How To Scam ONSTAR.

Do you have on star? Have no Idea what I’m talking about, ONSTAR is that service in your car where you push the button and a live agent comes on and gives you directions.

It’s mainly a states thing, but some Canadians have it, and most of their buildings are in the states but one is in Canada and their Billing department is located in the Philippines, and Canada.

Onstar is also an emergency service, so you can push the button and connect with someone who can contact the police, or if you are in an accident and airbags deploy they come online right away with emergency services activated and stay on the line with you until they arrive.

No I didn’t read about all this on a website, I used to work for ONSTAR. I worked for ONSTAR for a total of about 3 months in both subscriber and Customer loyalty.

Working in Customer Loyalty I was the person that people called to cancel their service and most of the time people had a very good reason to cancel. i.e they had been being billed for 3 months and they didn’t know that, or they don’t use the service.

However if you do use the service, and you love the service, here’s how to get a lower price.

Step One. Tell them you want to quite/cancel the service, they will transfer you to customer loyalty right away. When you talk about wanting to cancel the service BE NICE. If someone was a jerk to me I never offered them deals, explain that you like the service and you want to keep it but you can’t afford it.

Step Two. They will offer you packages, ask about them and make sure you are getting what you want. There are usually three different packages for your needs. Don’t just jump on the cheapest one because it might not have everything you need.

Step Three. Tell them that this all sounds amazing and you’d like to do it. BUT TELL THEM YOUR CONCERN ABOUT THE PREVIOUS MONTH. Tell them that you meant to cancel last month but you were so busy and you forgot to, that money  was supposed to be for something else blah blah blah. Onstar workers can give a month of either free service, or a month refund, if they have a heart or really want to save you from quitting they’ll offer you this.

Step Four. Whether or not they offer this to you take the deal, and ask them how long it will last. ONSTAR doesn’t send notifications when the offer ends. So if it ends in three months you’ll go back to the original price you had. The reason is that they can’t cancel the service without your verbal consent, because if you got into an accident and the service was cancelled without your knowing and it didn’t work, then we get sued.

Step Five, mark on your calendar when the service ends and make sure to call before you are billed at the end of the three months.

Step six, when you call in again repeat the steps.

Onstar always have some kind of promotion going on and you can very easily manipulate this. Customer loyalty representatives receive commission for every save they make, and they want as many as they can get so usually they will offer you anything  they can.

So long as you remember to call in at the end of each promotion you’ll be getting cheaper services.

PS. Usually this is the case with almost every service, i.e Bell, rogers, other phone companies, pretty much any service you are signed up with. I know it can be frustrating to talk to people who HAVE to follow a script, but so long as you are nice you can usually get what you want.



An Open Letter To Logan Paul.

Dear Logan Paul.

I don’t think I need to tell you that what you did was wrong, the entire world has let you know just how bad what you did was.

What you did was past the line of video a young girl in the locker room and showing your friends. It was far worse than making posters of a young boy, ridiculing him and posting them all around school.

The similarities about what you did and the previous examples is that they are childish, they are insensitive and they are not mistakes.

They are actions chosen, they are actions that someone knows to be wrong, actions that place a person at their most vulnerable and for very little personal gain.

I will explain to you what you did. You entered a public place, knowing its history of suicides and chose to take a walk. You entered a place in which many people took their lives, walked on the ground that people took their last breaths and said their final goodbyes to this world and you walked the paths with friends, video cameras, and a smile. You then proceeded to show no respect for the ground you walked on, you walked through the forest, and you came across a hanging body. The person was not pretending, they were not joking, they were not looking for the attention they got.

They were dead.

You video taped, a dead body.

You video taped the suicide of a person in pain. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t witness the act, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t video tape them dying and take their last breath. You filmed their suicide no matter what part you caught on tape.

Not only did you do that, you posted it. You posted their hanging body for the world to see.

I am not too sure what your purpose was, though you claimed it was for awareness, and I do believe you. I believe that you wanted to raise awareness but you did it in the completely incorrect way.

Let me explain where you went wrong.

I suffer from suicidal thoughts, it is constant for me, I think about ending my life all the time but I am managing to cope with it, and thankfully I have never made an attempt.

I did not watch your video, not at first, when reading the title “We found a dead body” I strayed away from it. There is no need to watch such a thing, but then I came to the conclusion that the video MUST be a joke.

I still did not watch the video however, but the next day the entire internet was blown up with outrage about your video. I was wrong, your video actually showed a dead body.

I managed to watch a censored version of the video and although I was okay, my heart fell for a few people.

  1. The poor person that you filmed.
  2. The family of the person that you filmed
  3. All those who have suffered from suicide
  4. All those suffering with Suicidal thoughts.

I will now explain what happens when you share something like that. Not only is it a disgusting act to film it in the first place. But I don’t think you know how many people you possibly triggered.

You possibly ended the life of other people who suffer from suicidal thoughts. That video brought forth my own thoughts even though I didn’t see the entire thing, it was my own fault for watching it, but you were the one that made it.

I and millions of others wouldn’t even have seen it had it not been for you, because I am sure that many people thought “This can’t be real”

But it was real, and that is not how to raise awareness.

You are a youtube star, and the title that you chose proves that you did this for personal gain, whether or not it was to raise awareness as well.

You didn’t tag it “Warning, graphic.” You didn’t chose the title “Body of a man who committed suicide found” you said that you “found a dead body.” Like it’s some kind of wallet you found on the street. Like the body wasn’t even a person.

I am not going to call you trash. I am not going to call you the devil, or disgusting.

You in my opinion are uneducated, and extremely lacking in your morals, and empathy.

I don’t need to go into the details about how you acted in the video, many people have already done that. I just want you to understand that what you did was not okay.

You apologized, and thats all someone like you can do. Apologize, but you don’t understand that there shouldn’t have to be an apology, the video should have never been taken.

I just want you to understand.





Can People Change?

This has to be one of the more controversial topics to explore because it varies from person to person and from action to action.

I fully understand why people think that others cannot truly change, however, it is concerning to me that there is very little to no faith in a person that has done another person wrong.

We change throughout our lives, our interests change, our style change, our sense of humour changes, and our looks change so why is it so hard to think that people can change their personailities?

Now I am not saying that EVERYONE can change, become a better person, some will always be stuck in their ways, but I do believe it’s possible.

I remember speaking to my mom about a girl that I knew when I was younger, and I reminded her of the nasty things she used to do, and the terrible attitude she had. And my mom responded with “That was three years ago. A lot can change in three years, and I don’t think it’s fair of you to completely dismiss someone when you missed three years of their life.”

She was right, I had an opinion on someone that was at a different time in her life and I refused to shake that impression I had of her. Needless to say, when I met her again she was quite lovely, her first impression wasn’t a good one but the second had me rethinking my views on her.

So in short, I do think that people can change.

Do I believe the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater”? No. I don’t. But I don’t think it inappropriate for someone to be weary of someone who cheater, nor do I think it inappropriate to not want to give your trust to someone who lost it to begin with.

You can’t walk through life giving second chance after second chance, everyone has a breaking point and you shouldn’t make your life unbearable for the need to keep them in your life, but I fully believe that if someone has wronged you in the past it doesn’t make them the same person for the rest of their life.

Viewing people as developing characters has made me much happier in life, instead of being filled with hate for the girl in school who told me I was ugly, I feel joy in thinking that she has possible become a better person, and may one day apologize for being so cruel. If I were to see her in a year from now, I would gladly meet with her and talk, if she’s a better person, wonderful, one less person to add negativity to my life, if she’s still a horrible person, then hey, thats her problem and I don’t feel bad for disliking her.

I would want the same opportunity for anyone who felt negatively about me.

I have changed throughout my life, I have done things that I am not proud of, and would never think about doing again, and I have feelings about things that haven’t changed, but that doesn’t mean that they never will.

There is an understanding I have for people who believe that “people never truly change” I completely understand why, because they probably have someone in their life that is still the horrible person they once were.

Our experiences in our lives shape us to be who we are, and in my opinion it is unfair to decide that personal growth ends at a specified time. Just because one girl slept around at age sixteen doesn’t mean that she hasn’t repented and is still sleeping around at the age of thirty.

Just because a boy cheated on you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’ll do it again, and there is the possibility that he feels awful about it and never want to make another girl feel that way again.

And just because you talked badly about a girl in chemistry class that you found annoying at the age of 12 doesn’t mean that you are so quick to judge now at the age of 21.

We are all human and to me that means that we are growing, and are all capable of the same things.

So I change the question, “Can people change?” To the question “Are people willing to change?” Because to me they can, but it starts with their want and desire to be a better person, to be someone that they admire.


What it’s Like to Have Suicidal Ideation.

By definition: Suicidal thoughts, also known as suicidal ideation, are thoughts about how to kill oneself, which can range from a detailed plan to a fleeting consideration and does not include the final act of killing oneself. The majority of people who experience suicidal ideation do not carry it through

From what I understand, the symptoms and signs of suicidal ideation will vary and range from person to person. I have never met another person with the same situation as myself so I am going strictly on what I have been told.

My own personal encounter starts when I was young. It started with the thought, I wonder what would happen if I died. . . Meaning I wondered if there would be a funeral, who would miss me, the events that would happen. A common thought I am sure everyone has ever wondered about, but now that I am older, I have come to realize that if a nine year old came to me today and told me they had these thoughts, I would be concerned.

Moving onto high school, it turned into the thoughts of wanting to die, and wishing I was dead and joking about death and dying. In the cafeteria you never suspect that when your friend says “Ugh I wish I was dead.” when she embarrasses herself would be threatening, but to me it was the truth.

It then transitioned into a behaviour I was exhibiting, I was emotional, (But what high school kid isn’t right?) I found myself crying myself to sleep many nights without a full explanation, the simplest inconvenience in my life would send me to tears at night, even if I had settled it at the time of occurrence. I was upset, and in need of an explanation as to why I was so upset, I was incredibly horrible to do what I did, but I fantasized about my life, the only time I was truly happy was when I was writing stories, I lived in those stories and it made my life seem different, it made it make more sense. I then transitioned into the horrid aspect and I began telling lies to people about my life as well. I lost friends because of it, I was in need of constant distraction, silence made me uncomfortable so I was constantly talking and giving myself a very narcissistic image. I was a frightened, and unhappy person, and I tried my best to fix that, no matter how awful the tactics.

My final year of high school and moving into college is when the behaviour became concerning. I would write suicide notes. I would think in specific detail the best way to go about killing myself. The thoughts were constant and death would become my only solution to my problems. I would think, It’s okay if I fail, I’ll just kill myself. It was a completely emotionless feeling, and to me that is the most terrifying moment in my life.

The things I do now are concerning, I write notes to loved ones, think about how I would go about it in a way not to hurt anyone else, I count the amount of pills it would take to kill me, and a plan is made, but I never go through with it.

The best way to describe what keeps me from doing it is this. I have things that make me stay alive, but I have nothing that keeps me from wanting to die. 

Meaning I don’t want to leave this world because I love my family, my friends, and my boyfriend, I love sports and animals and my program, but no matter how many blessings I can count, I always revert back to thinking about suicide.

I have been terribly morbid on my explanation, and it is a more depressing topic but please know that I am okay. There are measures I take in order to keep my emotional state level, when I have an episode I remind myself that although I fear that I may commit suicide, I never will. It’s a process, and a constant breakdown of my personality and an evaluation on why I am feeling the way I am, but it works and I can end my episode usually in less than an hour.

I decided to write this post because it’s  not something that is spoken about in a regular class. The constant area of focus is the action of suicide itself, and if you have suicidal thoughts then you are at risk, which is true, but what I fully believe saved me from getting to that point was learning what Suicidal Ideation is and finally having a name for the way I am feeling. I have a reason for how I feel, and to know that gives me the opportunity to speak with people and get help from others as well as being able to help myself.

It doesn’t go away, but it can be treated, and a lot of the treatment starts with yourself, and learning to love yourself for who you are, and being able to distinguish between an episode and how you really feel about the person you are.

To anyone out there who has read this and thinks that they may be suffering from Suicidal Ideation, it is important that you have someone in your life who knows about it. Speak to anyone, a doctor, a teacher, a help line, anyone. It brings it to life and to verbalize your thoughts and feelings makes it real, and your brain and body will finally understand what is going on.

Seek help if you can, if you can’t at the moment then just know that you are not alone and when episodes happen, they will end. When they end reflect on how you felt then and how you feel at the moment, that will distinguish what you have to do next.

Thank you for reading, I hope his has opening eyes for everyone who has been reading.

Life is precious.

I want to live it.



How to Actually Pass Your Driving Test


  1. Drive like you’re terrified.

Now don’t be stopping the car when a candy wrapper goes by and be going 30 under the speed limit shaking like a leaf. NO! Get your confidence up know how to drive a car! Be that asshole that can drive a car and do his laundry at the same time, BE THAT GOOD. But you cannot drive with confidence on the road test, they will fail you, because Confident drivers take their turns a little wide and know the road, and don’t look at their mirrors every five seconds, and turn left when there is a car a good enough distance away and just glide through the railroad crossing. You can’t do that, you need to drive like you are terrified to hit someone, terrified of hitting another car, terrified of being pulled over, terrified of everything. You have to check your mirrors seven times before leaving, check your blind spots 3 times before backing up, you need to count out the number of seconds you are stopped and look both ways over and over again before proceeding through an intersection with no one around. Keep in mind, the instructor does not know you are a good driver, and has probably been in the car with 6 kids that day who accidentally turned left on a red light. Don’t give them any reason to think that you’re not cautious. If you drive confidently they will find something that you did to be unsafe even if it wasn’t.

2. Don’t Talk

Driving instructors can write comments on your marking sheet, and if you talk during your exam, they will write that you are “Verbal, and distracted.” I’m not talking about having a conversation in the car, I’m talking about verbalizing what you’re seeing. Don’t say “Oh there’s a guy there, I’m gonna wait.” or “he got here first.” Just don’t say anything other than to ask for clarification or confirmation that you heard what they said. Believe me they can fail you for being distracted and talking is a good way to lower your score.

3. Don’t be a Tourist

I get it, the DMV is a confusing and frustrating place if you have never been there,  or you don’t know the process of something. Learn as much as you can before you go, you walk in, most places have you check in at a kiosk to take a number and then you sit and wait for your number to be called. Don’t bitch about how long it takes, (It always takes long) don’t ask about what the letters and numbers mean, and do not have mommy or daddy come up to the counter with you. They literally ask you to bring your paper and your driving license, thats it. Also when you perform your road test and the person tells you “Okay you can go wait in your car.” Do not wait around for your license to be given back to you. I’ve seen it too many times where people stand in the waiting room to be called again. The instructor takes everything of yours and meets you at your car, go sit down and relax, if they arrive and you’re not there it pisses them off. I say this because when you go in and you don’t know how to go through with the process and you’re nervous and anxious it’s gonna reflect on how you do on the test and how the instructor first views you as a person.

4. Don’t Dress Like an Asshole. 

No discrimination against anyone, or what they wear but don’t show up in your low cut halter top with the bare midriff, or your Daddy tattoo visible. You are trying to convince them that you are responsible and mature enough to be handling a car on the roads. You don’t want them thinking you’re gonna use your car to pimp out girls or go on your daily drug run.

5. Play it Cool.

When something goes wrong in your test, don’t even react to it, if you hit the curb, or mess up your backing skills just stay calm. Don’t acknowledge, don’t apologize, don’t make a face, and don’t think that you failed right then and there. Just continue on driving/with the examination. Theres a very low chance that they didn’t see it, but don’t draw attention to it. Driving exams are a passing grade, if you do something ridiculously dangerous then yeah, they’re gonna fail you, but if you nail everything else theres a good chance you’ll still pass. But if you freak out its just going to make them scrutinize everything you do 100x more, cause now not only are you incapable of performing the skill, you’re flustered and may do something else dangerous because you’re upset.

6. The Examiner talking is a good thing. 

When I did my road test, I met my examiner and they were very nice and talked to me a little bit before the test. During the test she didn’t say a damn thing because she was marking me. I knew the exam was done when we were driving back and she started up a conversation about where her son went to school and the mutual sports he and I played. I know this contradicts the “no talking” rule but the test was over. I thought that she had failed me and had just decided that she wasn’t going to mark me anymore, so she started talking. No it was because I had finished my exam and she thought I was a good driver and just didn’t want to sit in silence for the five minute drive back to the test centre.

7. Don’t Wear work boots

I’m pretty sure it’s a rule not to wear work boots when you’re driving anyways because it messes with how you feel the break when you’re driving. Anyways, don’t wear them for that reason, I wear steel toes to work and the sole is a good two inches thick and if I rush out to get lunch it takes a minute to get used to the break again because I can’t feel my foot pushing against it like when I wear regular sneakers. There is a good chance that they will ask you to take them off.

8. Get to 100KPH/60MPH Before entering the Highway

The Maximum speed limit on the highway is the speed you should actually be driving when you merge because there are other vehicles going that fast approaching you. The highway is dangerous and you want to avoid as little accidents as possible, you cannot merge onto the highway ten below, they examiner wants you to get up to 100/60 before you merge.


11 Things The Overly Skinny Are Tired Of Hearing

I am one of those apparently terrible human beings that no matter what I do I cannot gain weight. Please do not comment on how I should be body positive and be extremely happy with the body I have and to shut up about wanting to gain weight. I think I am one sexy mother fucker, but I have also been bullied and ridiculed for my weight and body image.

  1. Ew.

Oh the joy of having someone grab onto my protruding hip bone and uttering the words “Ew!” Do I grab onto other peoples stomachs who happen to weigh more than me and yell EW? No, because one I am not an asshole, and two because I think everyone is beautiful in the body they have and I do not have disturbed thoughts about their bodies. But thank you to the number of people that have pointed out just how gross my ribs, my hips, my spine, and my collar bone are to you. And don’t come back to us when we get upset and say “No I’m just jealous cause you’re so skinny, I was just joking around.” No you were body shaming and now I have to go home and explain to my mom why I don’t want to wear my bathing suit in the summer anymore.

2. Are you Okay?

Recently, I was working at a festival as security and although it was hilarious to have a stick figure trying to tell 300 pound drunk men that I am going to make them leave the festival, it was also a quite awkward day when my boss asked if I was okay. Now when she came up to me and asked if I was okay I thought it was because I was standing in the pouring rain for an hour, but when I replied with “Yes I’m fine.” She proceeded to say “Oh okay just making sure because you know, you’re so tiny.” She was not referring to be being cold, or tired she was referring to the fact that working a 12 hour shift must be hard because of how skinny I look. I can confidently say that she was concerned with my health because she did not ask the other females/men standing next to me. We are fine, believe it or not, we can do everything you can do.

3. How are you so Skinny?

Simply put, I don’t know.

4. Do you eat?

That’s like asking me if I have an eating disorder and it’s extremely offensive. Yeah I eat, I eat just like every other human on this planet has to or else I’ll die.

5. You like take two bites and then you’re full.

I have never once taken two bites of something and become full. I guess people just assume that that is all the amount of food we need to survive in this world. I can eat an entire pizza in front of someone and then say I’m full and I will still hear “Well you had your two bites of food so you must me.” Sarcastic or not it still pisses us off. A good majority of us don’t eat a lot at meals, because we have been eating every twenty minutes, literally been having 3 lunches a day rather than 1 large lunch. Unless you spend an entire day with us, you are not permitted to comment on our intake of food.

6. How much do you weigh?

This is a trap. Even though its a question, you actually don’t want to know the answer, and should I answer honestly, I’m gonna piss you off. I recently had someone ask me what size I was and a girl yelled out the most honest thing I have ever heard “Don’t you dare answer that.” She was referring to the fact that my telling her my size would make her ‘upset’ but the truth is that I cannot honestly answer that question without creating at least on enemy. It’s even worse with men, I have a friend who is very naturally skinny and he hates admitting his weight because he is then ridiculed. Muscle weighs more than fat, and when he tells someone that he’s 120 pounds, they know that he ain’t skinny because he’s been working out. The meat heads at the gym all know that being 200+ pounds is muscle mass.

7. I’m so jealous.

Well guess what, I’m jealous of you. I understand that everyone wants what they don’t have and that you are just being polite and complimenting me. Thank you. Though I am jealous of your curves and none protruding hip bones so much that I am attempting everything possible to gain weight, but I can’t say anything about how jealous I am of you back because I’ll look like an ass who is just trying to make other people feel better. So I stand there and awkwardly accept your compliment, and contemplate how we can change the subject.

8. OMG! You’re so Skinny.

What? I am? Why the hell didn’t anybody tell me that? I was wondering why my teacher pulled me outside of class to discuss eating disorders with me when they thought I wasn’t eating lunch when in fact I just ate it before they came to patrol my room. It also explains why my friends play the game “Whose skinnier, you, or the mannequin?” I never would have known had it not been for your observation.

9. You’re probably one of those girls that can eat anything and never gains weight. Aren’t you?

You need to go back and read that again in the most snobbish and judgemental voice you can possibly think of. This typically happens when meeting new people, usually a friend of a friend who we won’t be seeing again, and it’s like I have been shot down right away. There is no hope of us becoming friends in the future, because even if you meant it to sound nice, it came off as you hating me. But the answer is yes I am.

10. Guys love curves. 

Thanks. I don’t have any, I know, but you know it’s cool, you can be body positive to your OWN body while shaming me. I get it people can be mean to you and call you fat, but you can come back and say “I have curves, I love my body #bodypositive #healthy” I can’t say “Men like skinny girls, they like bone #Healthy #skinnydoesitbetter” cause I’m gonna get punched, and I don’t think like that. Thank you for making me feel completely hideous to the male race because my breast size is an A cup.

11. Oh My God I’m So Fat. 

If we even attempt to deny this claim of yours one of three things happen. We are told to shut up, we are given a dirty look, or we are told “I weigh more than you, you’re like one pound.” I don’t understand how my being less weight than you completely erases me from not thinking you’re fat. What? Just because I’m skinny that automatically makes me think everyone else is fat? And I can’t come to defend you and deny the false accusations you are making about yourself? Stop calling yourself fat just because I am skinny, don’t compare yourself to me. I refuse to be the comparison you use to make yourself feel terrible. You are beautiful.

All women and men of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, it’s okay to love the body that you are in and it’s okay to wish you looked like someone else. We all want what we don’t have but it’s wrong to assume that one body type is better than another. Too many people tease me about being too skinny because they claim that they’re jealous, and they say that we shouldn’t take it seriously because we’re skinny and everyone wants to be. Well guess what your words can hurt just as badly as mine could hurt you. I get that you’re trying to be funny or complimentary but we’re sick of hearing “You’re so skinny.” just as much as you would hate hearing “You’re so fat.”


Life Lessons for the Pale

I have been asked by doctors if I have recently been undergoing some blood work, and if not maybe I should get some done, because my pale skin alarms them. I had a doctor ask if I had a heavy flow because that may be the reason I am so sickly pale. No doctor, I have always been this pale. If you have ever had one of these encounters please know that you do not stand alone.

First life lesson, apparently we can look like we have been drained of our blood and some people are going to be concerned, just gracefully set them straight.

I wouldn’t say I am the palest that we come but I am one of those pales that could be mistaken for a vampire very easily. I am also one of those people that is pale all year round, my tan might bring me to the skin colour of a normal human being but it is a rare occurrence. There are some pale people in this world that I think I can relate to but come summer they change three ethnicities and then I want to slap the tan right off them.

Growing up pale is a lifestyle and I have learned some life lessons, so sit back and get ready because I’m about to blow you tan assholes minds.

The biggest question I get is “why don’t you tan?” the answer to that is because I am scared. Summer terrifies me because on the first day I decided to venture out into the world I will get burned. It doesn’t matter how much sunblock I wear, or how often I put it on, doesn’t matter if I spend most of the day in the shade, I am going to burn and burn badly. So I typically attempt to avoid that day as much as possible and the only way to do that is to try and avoid my first contact with summer for as long as I can. Once I fatally endure my full body burn and I heal, I can slowly make my way back into summer activities, I’m still gonna burn but at least the first time is done and over with. So why don’t I lay out in the sun other than burning? Well I do lay out in the sun and attempt to tan, in fact I got a bit of a Tan yesterday but you would never know because two shades darker than was is still described as translucent.

Spray tans, why the hell didn’t I think of that? I have not gotten a spray tan but I have watched others of my species do so, and it looks great, until It comes off. I’ve seen it rub off and no one recognizes you after you scrub it off, or it comes off in patches, or it sweats off and you end up looking like goddamned Neapolitan ice cream, you got fake tan, you burn and your pale ass skin. Also I’m broke, I don’t have the money to retouch up my tan every other day.

Life lesson learned, I’m not gonna be tan under any circumstances.

I am such a person that goes to the gym and hates it, one because I fully believe that cardio and lifting should have been deleted from our DNA around the same time we discovered fire, but also because although I am a avid gym goer you would never think so because of how pale I am.

You think thats ridiculous? Look at all the fitness models, and fitness instagram wonders of our world, what do they all have in common? They’re all better looking than me, and they’re all tan.

I’m sure theres a hidden pale girl in there somewhere trying to trick everyone but if you could make yourself known that’d be freaking fantastic because I got some questions for you.

Just a side note as well, when you see us in the gym and our faces are all red and it looks like we’re about to pass the fuck out, or you think our face is that red because we’re out of shape or holding our breath, don’t worry I’m just pale.

Life lesson; Never gonna be a fitness goddess, or inspiration.


Lord how I loathe makeup when it comes to my skin. Let’s start off with the redness in our skin, I so much as touch my face and I am left with a red mark for well over an hour, so I need something to cover it up.

Now I understand that every female has troubles finding colours to match their skin tones, even more so many of my african american girl friends can’t find colours to match their skin, so its a fucking bitch session when we go to the makeup counter together.

First you have to find a brand you like and 90% of the time you find one and they don’t have your shade, and you ask for help and the ladies completely screw you over.

I went to sephora to pick a foundation for my skin and I told her. “It’s for prom, I don’t care what brand it is so long as it matches my skin tone.” and then she took this little machine that looks like an ear thermometer and put it on my skin and I was like Hell yeah, she’s gonna get this right. The she came back with a couple things and put them on my face and the terrible lighting in that place made it look like it could pass so I bought it. I stepped outside and my face was orange. And I knew it was orange because when I wiped it off with a tissue it looked like it does when I wipe cheeto dust off my fingers.

I have found foundations for my skin colour, but they’re not an all day thing, twice I have fallen down the rabbit hole of embarrassment and come home to find out that my makeup had oxidized and was now too dark for my skin.

Tried a dark smokey eye once and I looked like a creature of the undead, and nude lipsticks aren’t a thing in our world because we just look ridiculous. If you’re a pale girl trying to rock a nude lip I support you and your dreams but this is an intervention you would think white goes with everything but it doesn’t. I’m not trying to be mean, but to me it just looks weird, but we can rock the dark and bold lip colours.

Life lesson: Makeup is slowly killing us mentally and physically.

I am unconsciously very motherly about other peoples skin habits.

“What the hell do you mean your sunscreen is only SPF 30? That’s milk.” “You’re gonna burn put sunscreen on.” “You need to wear a hat”  “It’s been ten minutes its time to reapply” ”

Life lesson: I’m gonna be a good mother.

Having to deal with the Tan bitches is the worst, because every tan girl is so damn proud of it and make us feel inferior. While they’re golden goddesses and we are ice queens they still manage to make us feel like there’s something wrong with us because we can’t get a tan.

I’ve had people say “I think it’s just gross when someone doesn’t have a little bit of colour.” or “It’s healthy to get some sun’ and my favourite. “I’d even rather be burned than pale.”

Is my skin actually see through? I mean do they not see this pale chick sitting beside them when they say that? They are indirectly being mean but heaven forbid I say something about not wanting skin cancer, or the wrinkles you can get from the sun, or how I might actually like my skin the way it is. Because I am wrong no matter what, they go crazy.

(I know that there are plenty of wonderfully pleasant tan people in this world and this is not directed at you but to those that give you a bad name)

Life lesson: Tan people are mean, but we are their friends.

There are plenty of other lessons the that pale people come to understand but guess what, if you’re pale you probably already figured them all out.

Pale and fucking proud.