Dating Profile Red Flags.

Feel free to share you own too.

Listen when it comes to dating, everyone finds dealbreakers or red flags, and with dating turning online, you can now find them easier than ever.

When it comes to dating you usually have to sit through an awkward date structured like an interview, trying to find out as much as you can about the person before you decide if you want a second date or to run like you’re on fire. Dating profiles have made it much easier, five solid facts about you and your interests and a few picutres and most of us can decide if we’re going to like this person or not.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with your profile. Be yourself you’ll find someone who loves you for you, I can just guarentee that it won’t be me, based on these ten things.

1. Three or less pictures, or worse no pictures.

There’s alot of catfishes out there and odds are they are only going to have access to a few of your photos if you’re smart with your social media. The other thing about catfishing is that if you’re trying to look a certain way, then you probably only have a few photos that you’re willing to share with the internet. More photos not only reinforces that it’s you, it also gives the person more to judge you on. Not just looks but personally if all you can do is produce two selfies, that’s an opportunity missed to show us who you are.

The worst you can do is have no pictures. I can’t tell you how many profiles have no photo with the caption: I’m a great person, and I hope you give me a chance. I’m self conscious but I’m super fun! or Pics on request. You need to be confident in order to have someone be interested in you online, confident in who you are as a person, and what you look like. Plus it’s unsettling, every single person will consider the possibility of you being a serial killer. It’s unfair, but it’s true.

2. No caption.

I will admit that for some people, no caption is better than the one they have, but at least we know what your intentions are. If only having photos is working for you that’s great, but I can personally say that if I get interested enough to read your caption, it needs to at least tell me who you are. Don’t worry about being funny or clever, just think of the 4:2 rule.

4:2 Rule: You can pick four things from the following categories: Hobbies and Interests, Friends and Family, Pets and Animals, Entertaintment. You can pick one of each, or two and two, or all four in one, any combination and you have a caption, and at least two of those should be things you can do together. Example: I’d love to take a cooking class, I love to ski., I have a pet dog, and I’m in the middle of prepping for a FRIENDS tv show trivia night.

All four are potential topics of conversation, and all four are activies to potentionally do together.

3. Hockey player

I’m Canadian, I love hockey so don’t start with me, but Hockey players do have a terrible reputation where I’m from. They were extremely obnxious and “lockerroom” talk was not isolated to the lockerroom, nor was it ever okay. So maybe I’m biased from my experience with .000000000001% of the hockey player population. Now I haven’t experienced sexist remarks on a date but what I have experienced is, we just don’t vibe. I don’t know if baseball players and hockey players are just naturally enemies, that we’re like oil and water, it just doesn’t work and is just so awkward.

I have met wonderful people who play hockey, friends of mine played hockey, but myself personally can’t date one. Honestly, it’s the same feeling for the other party in this. This one time we met and saw each other and knew, 15 minutes into the date we finally just went “It’s not gonna work is it?” Another one we went to a batting cage for our second date and we realized halfway through the date that neither of us were interested but we still paid for another half hour…

It’s my list, Hockey player has to be on it. I’m sorry.

4. 23*

This one I just truly will not tolerate, when you have to correct your age on your account. “I’m actually 22.” That tells me two things, you lied about your age and it’s a good chance you did it because you were too young for the app when you started. As an adult it is always your responsibility to ensure who you are speaking with is of age, but when the app requires you to be 18, and you’re not it’s just inappropriate. The fact that you were willing to do that makes me questions all your morals and intelligence. No one has a good reason for lying about their age on an app.

The excuse is always that you didn’t want to make a new account or ‘start over’. So you can’t start over because you won’t be able to remember the people you matched with.

I wouldn’t remember them all but I would remember the ones I dated.

5. Loud and proud parents.

Don’t get too angry with me I don’t care if someone has kids, I like kids and I have never considered a father or mother as a negative thing in a profile. What frightens me are the captions that sound like this. ” Single mom/dad, my kid is my life and is my top priority and if you can’t handle that then you can F*** O**.”

Who are you yelling at? No one is attacking you. Anyone who thinks a parents shouldn’t be dedicated to their kid, or thinks your kid is a dealbreaker are wrong in my books, but are not going to swipe on your profile.

Also who hurt you that you feel the need to say this? Did you have a bad experience and theres a psycho ex I might have to deal with? TMI.

6. Social media links.

SC: @me

Insta:@me.

This is more of a concern, but I’m adding it to the list because if I see it I bail.

I am huge on dating safely and not going anywhere private with someone I don’t know, and not sharing access to friends/ family or information, locations… I just feel like someone I date would have to understand that too, and most people I have come in contact with who have their socail media accessible, want mine too. Sure, I can say no, but sometimes it’s a scam just to get more followers, or for me to be interested in your ‘rap career,’ or to know that you’re already in a committed relationship with a corvette… It became a waste of my time getting to know someone from their instafeed.

I want to get to know you, not your pictures. I also can’t stand when someone says “I hate talking on here, wanna talk on insta?” Nope, no I do not. You had the option to ask for my phone number and you chose my instagram instead? I will give you my phone number way before I give you my social media. You want to see more pics of me instead of getting to know me.

7. Cardio.

I just don’t do Cardio. No I don’t want to walk uphill for an hour. Next.

8. Don’t ask me this, don’t ask me that.

Don’t be negative in your bio, ‘don’t just message me hey cause I won’t respond,” F*** Trudeau, don’t just ask about my dog…

I don’t care about your preferences, I fully believe that people with different opinions can be friends and mature about it, but I don’t want to have to worry about the negative and one dimensional thinking. Posting any negativity reinforces that you’re not a fun person, nor are you someone that can respect my morals and values, beause your mind is made up.

When you vocalize that you don’t want us to ask you about this or that, you are forgetting that asking those same ‘mundane’ questions might be the only reason we talk to you. Making the first move is always hard, but if you rely on someone else to make the first move so much that you actually give them instructions on how to do it, then you clearly don’t undertsand. Most of us find making the first move terrifying and those simple ‘hey’s’ are safe in our books.

If you’re asking what do I respond to ‘hey’? Ask your own damn thought provoking question. It’s alot less embarrasing to be rejected from a ‘hey’ or ‘your dogs cute, what’s his name?’ than, “I see you wnet to paris what was your favourite moment from the trip?”

9. Hobbies for Career.

Video Creator, musician, rapper, artist etc.

I fully admire people who have a passion and want to turn that passion into their career, I also know that many people have successfully done this. Most jobs are specific; animator, violinist, media management, editor. Those I’m willing to do more research on, however I’m referring to the person who directs me to their media page and they have 1000 followers and 3 selfmade music videos with 1000 views. I’m impressed, I can’t do that, but I’m also not interested in a 27 year old that is pursuing a once in a lifetime opportunity with nothing else to support them. To be perfectly frank, if I get the impression that I might have to support you financially some day and we haven’t even spoken yet, I’m going to bail.

Not okay: I skipped college to focus on my music, I quite my job to focus on my music, I’ve performed tons of shows, this is my career. Well it’s kind of a hobby but I’m really working hard to get noticed in Montreal.

Okay: I work asa paralegal but I do art on the side and really focus my free time on that, I’ve had a couple peices sold and I’m really passionate about it.

Think like this; The less specific you are and the more you brag, the less likely this is what you’re doing for a living.

10. Photos with ‘friends’

Mainly for the heterosexual community, but it is only my list. I have always had a male best friend, but I don’t post him on my dating profile. Why? Because it’s off-putting.

Maybe this is unfair but it’s true. When you post a picture of you holding a guy/girl close, and it’s just the two of you (group photos are fine) it gives the illusion that there’s competition.

I mean, clearly it’s a friend/sister/cousin, no person could be that dumb to post their ex or current fling, and frankly I’m not in competition with anyone, but I still consider it a red flag. It’s a red flag for this simple reason, don’t leave it to my imagination. It’s common sense.

Then we have the problem with posting with your ex, I see it all the time when they put an emoji over the other persons face. We assume that’s your ex, and if it is your ex WHY HAVE YOU CHOSEN PICTURES WITH THEM TO PUT ON YOUR DATING PROFILE?! It’s hard to believe that you have moved on, and it’s clear that you haven’t been single long enough to have another picture of you doing literally anything else.

The Four Types of ‘Female Bestfriend’

No one is going to fit 100% into every category but like finding your seasonal undertone, you might fit a few point or all of them. In my experience as being the female best friend and witnessing the female best friend I’ve come to the conclusion that there are 4 types. We are mainly referring to heterosexual relationships, but I like to think that whether or not your partner is into, men and women, or just women, you’ll find one of these four.

Keep in mind, your partner should always be the person you trust, and this is no regards implies that you need to worry. We all know the saying ‘men and women can’t be just friends.’ I take offense to that but in most cases I would say that stands true, but there are four types.

1. The Nessie Bestfriend.

You either believe in the lockness monster or you don’t. Few people claim to have seen it, others search for reasons not to believe and some people just flat out don’t. Can also be called the Alien, or Bigfoot.

Sometimes they are the lifelong bestfriend, or the friend they had going through a tough time, but ultimately they are nothing but friends.

Nessie Bestfriend is harmless, are pretty rare but they exist to the people that believe in them. They are the friend that nothing sexual or romantic has happened between them, whether or not there are feelings they have never acted on them, and they’ve been friends with them for at least a year before they met you. The reason you really don’t have to worry is because their window of opportunity has passed, your partner is with you and if they wanted something to happen with Nessie it would have happened.

Hallmarks of Nessie is someone who lets you in on their plans (gift, trips, traditions or conversations). Someone who respects the boundaries of holidays and other events (clearly you’re going to rib fest/ spending halloween with your new Partner) and someone who awknowledges your relationship.

Now keep in mind Nessie might not like you. However they know that it is not their place to say anythign negative about you while their bestfriend loves you. They’ll be nice to you, and whether or not you think it’s genuine they won’t interfere with your relationship. (That’s a Geriatric Flame.) They will only rat you out, if they find out you’ve: Cheated, fallen into severe financial debt, killed someone, stolen from them etc. Big things that no bestfriend should keep secret.

If you look hard enough at a photo of Nessie, you’ll find driftwood. Maybe in a game of truth or dare they kissed, or your partners mom called her their ‘daughter’, or he was their date to work event, blah blah blah. It’s all driftwood in this scenario, if you have to go so far as to try and justify behaviours BEFORE THEY EVEN MET YOU, you’re the problem.

Nessie is going to understand your worry and skepticism, bring it up to your partner, and watch their reaction. If they panic or get angry/ annoyed, laugh and start listing reasons they would never be with them… You can worry. If they seem surprised but understanding, nothing to worry about, you can probably have this conversation with both of them and find out everything you need to. Open communication my friends, it will get you all the information you need.

2. The Glittery Best friend.

Probably the most dangerous of the bunch because you truly don’t know what you’re going to get with this person. This bestfriend is someone new, someone that has entered into your partners life, either after you were together or within six months of you two becoming official. They’re nice, they’re kind, they’re funny and they leave you wondering why that ‘bestfriend’ postion couldn’t be fullfilled by you. Most people want their partner to think of them as their bestfriend, so why do they need Glitter? More importantly, why does Glitter need them?

There are two opposite categories of Glitter. The first being that they might be in a relationship, they might be interested in the opposite sex, they might be a friend they have at work, they might be a friend they invite to a party, they might only be their meme friend. it’s slow and then gradually builds but you get to know about as much about them as your partner knows. Their glitter, your partner knows how terrible things can get if he spills the bottle, you’ll be finding Glitter everywhere.

When he spills the bottle is the problem. All of a sudden Glitter is showing up everywhere in your life. They’re at their work, invited to your birthday party, is the house you go to for a bombfire, in your partners messages, in their stories, at nights out, at the gym… You get the point. This Glitter will cling to your partner and show up everywhere. This is the danger.

You don’t need to feel insecure, because anyone that looks for another romantic relationship outside the one they already have is beneath you. The problem with Glitter is you don’t intend to spill the bottle over, but sometimes it happens. Everything with them will feel shiny and new and wonderful, maybe they’ll think ‘this is what I want’ and potentionally leave you for the Glitter. But all that glitters is not gold, and I can guarentee that it won’t last. Sure when the bottle spills over you feel like you’ll never be rid of it, but eventually that shine will dim and they’ll need to replace the glitter bottle at some point.

3. The Geratric Flame Bestfriend.

Much like the old flame, the geratric flame is someone they might have been romantically involved with, but they decided to stay friends. Unlike the old flame, the geratric flame might as well be in a hospice. It’s a friendship that can barely remember their romantic involvement, and that involevement can range from anything between holding hands for a play- Sex. Now I’m not talking about relationship involvement per se, I’m talking about one time occurences, when they dated and it didn’t work out, or many years ago, and you will know about these things before you meet them.

All in all, you don’t have to worry too much about them. That doesn’t mean they won’t be annoying though. 60% of Geratric old flames are annoying. They bring it up like it’s no big deal but bring it up all the time. They never like anyone they date, the complain alot, they hold traditions too sacred, and ultimately they get jealous. Example: My friend dated a boy in the fourth grade for two weeks, her first crush, never dated again, remained friends and he is now married to another girl, she never let them forget that they dated in the fourth grade, hates everyone he ever dated, and once she though he had a crush on me and without prompt used the ‘I would never date someone you dated.’ The annoying ones, your partner gets annoyed with them too.

The other 40% are cool, casual and respectful. Always rememebr that they will fight to keep their friendship. The key to these bestfriends, is to not worry until they give you a reason to.

4. The WTF? bestfriend.

Finally one you can complain about and not be told you’re crazy. This is a pretty broad one, but it all boils down to they will at some point do or say something that makes you think. WTF? You will tell your friends and they will think WTF?

They may say to you “Name, I don’t know if they told you this but they want to name thier daughter after me.” Or “We’ve hooked up a few times, maybe twice but we were like super drunk.” Its the ‘maybe’ thats the problem, why don’t you remember how many times.

Maybe they alwyas sit in the front seat when your partners driving, pat his leg too often, flirts with him, tries to wrestle/fight them, feed them– the list goes on and on.

They might do it all the time, they might do it occasionally or they may only say or do it once, but it will happen, and you’ll know it’s going to happen because while you are super secure in your relationship, they’re not in their ‘friendship’.

They could want more than friendship, they could be jealous, they could just not like you and is usually a big and frequent arguement.

You don’t have to like this person or like the things they say or do, however it’s ultimately your partner that you need to trust. Trust your gut and if something doesn’t feel right about your partners friendship with them, you need to communicate. They can love them all they want but it’s your partner that owes you loyalty, honesty and trust.

5 First Date Cliches I’m All For, and 5 I’m Not.

1. Flowers? Absolutely.

I don’t know about anyone else, but while ‘anytime’ flowers has become popular amongst couples, the flowers on first dates have not. I can’t name a single classic vintage movie love story that doesn’t involve bringing flowers on a first date. Seriously, one of my dreams is to have a date bring me a rose, I think it’s sweet.

2. Good night kiss? No thanks.

There is nothing more awkward than trying to prepare for a kiss you know is coming… or not coming. I was never comfortable after a date because I couldn’t tell if they wanted to, or could tell if I wanted to… it’s like we’re in the seventh grade all over again. I have a rule, don’t wait until the end of the date to kiss them. Besides doesn’t everyone want the spontaenous first kiss story? Just make eye contact and find a good time.

3. Dinner and a Movie? Yes please.

Okay, maybe not dinner and a movie, but when did dates become so one dimensional? You pick dinner or movie. I love when we make a plan, let’s go bowling and then play at the arcade. Let’s do an escape room then go get icecream. My friend says it’s the best way to tell if someone likes you or not, he says he can tell when a girl just isn’t that into him when they go onto the next activity. He either likes them back and tries to win her over, or he awknowleges it, takes the pressure off, and as soon as the date is over, he can talk to them about how he doesn’t think either of them is really into it.

4. Dinner dates? Meh…

I much prefer doing activities over dinner. Personally I hate small talk, and I like it when the conversation just flows well, and I find it best during an activity. Fighting with someone in an escape room, or learning to make something in a cooking class, will show chemistry better than sitting at a table, nervously sipping drinks.

5. Not kissing on the first date? Mhmm.

Okay I know I said not to wait until the end of the date to kiss someone, but it’s also great not to kiss on the first date. If you’re uncomfortable there is not a respectful guy alive, that wouldn’t take no for an answer. If you tell them you don’t kiss on the first date, or are uncomfortable, you’ll find out real quic if this person is worth it or not. If you want to kiss on the cheek but are nervous. Go in for an obvious hug and kiss her head or cheek and say good night. I think it’s super sweet and gets the point across.

6.Long walks.? Forget it.

Walks of any kind for that matter.First, I don’t do cardio. Second, if I don’t know you then I refuse to walk anywhere with someone, especially in a more secluded area. Nothing terrifies me more than a person that wants to go hiking on a first date.

7. Making a fuss. YES!

I will never forget the time I fussed over getting dressed and put on makeup and did my hair and just really wanted to look my best for someone who didn’t show up. When you cancel or stand us up, it really hurts. I can guarenttee they are excited about it, show us them you are too. Text, tell them you’re excited, dress for the occasion, and don’t be that person that’s playing it cool.

8. Picking me up? You will not know my address.

Look if it’s the boy from shool you’ve known for a long time, or your trusted coworker, I understand your willingness, but this is not just a danger thing to me. I like to drive myself somewhere because if I don’t like you or you make me uncomfortable, I can leave, and have a way home.

9. I’ll call you? I’ll wait by the phone.

You dont need to call and have an hour chat with me but please call me ask how I am and plan a second date with me. Then once plans are made you can hang up with me. It’s better than, Hyd? Wanna hang again?

10. Men should pay for dinner? Why?

I think it’s thoughtful when a guy wants to pay for dinner, and we’re mainly talking heterosexual dating cliche here but I can’t help but hate this one. I think it’s very nice for someone to offer to pay but personally I never assume that my date will pay. I always reach for my card and put it on the table. I love to see the reactions sometimes, men are suprised because I do it so automatically, they are taken back for a second. If we start going back and forth I’ll suggest the wait staff pick between our cards.

Coming To Terms with being Asexual.

Sex seems to be both a taboo and exciting topic of interest that either is plastered on every billboard or shunned and avoided at all costs. I grew up with both, but I always had a discomfort when it came to the mentioning of sex because I didn’t seem to relate or react the same way my peers did.

I had thought it to be because I was young, I thankfully had not been sexualized as a kid, and the topic of sex and intmacy wasn’t addressed to the fullest and honest extent inside the Catholic school I went to. Sex was a topic that made me uncomfortable until I was in my twenties.

It might have been because of my inexperience but when someone made a comment of being laid the previous night or mentioned the sexual acts their partner and them were intiating on one another, I would sit in silence and hope the topic would change quickly. I came to realize later on in life that I wasn’t uncomfortable talking about sex and sexual desire, (Now I can speak for hours on the subject) I was uncomfortable because I didn’t understand the desire and interest everyone else seemed to be experiencing.

I couldn’t relate to my hormone ridden friends, I couldn’t contribute to their conversations on the hot English teacher or that vampire from the movie or even that cute boy in the line ahead of us. I couldn’t do it because I didn’t relate, and I didn’t relate because I didn’t have a sexual attraction to anyone.

Not once have I looked at someone and thought “I want to have sex with them.” Or been turned on by someones appearance and because of that I had huge insecurity with my own sexuality and putting it on display because if I am not sexually attracted to people , why would people be sexually attracted to me? There were always so many rules too, it’s either your sexy or you’re tacky and honestly I could never figure out which it was because people like different things. I heard someone say once that “No one is good at sex, you either like what someone does or you don’t.” I was having alot of trouble figuring out what I liked, but I kept looking because there was no apathetic option.

Good things came from being asexual. With the lack of sexual interest I was able to hold onto my virginity until I was eighteen more so that I was very safe when it came to sex, it was in college and only in college that I had an interest in having sex. That’s when I kind of wanted to know what all the hype was about.

I was ready, and because the sexual drive to have sex was missing I didn’t feel an overhelming connection to having sex and its connection to the relationship. The first boy I slept with cheated on me, and I cried over the way he had treated me but when my friends consoled me for the man who took my virginity and dumped me three days later . . . I had to tell them that I felt nothing to the fact that we had had sex. They didn’t believe me of course. The truth was I did it because I was ready, had a physical attraction to him, an emotional attraction and I trusted him. The sex was underwhelming, tedious, and somewhat boring.

I thought there was something wrong with me. Wrong with the fact that I had never had an orgasm, or that I always needed lube because my arousal wasn’t coming through. I worried that after 15 mins I was bored and ready for them to stop. It felt good, and I was occasionally interested in sex and that left me feeling more confused.

There is countless reasons why there should be sex ed access to anyone part of the LGBTQ+ community, in my case, I didn’t even learn what asexual was until this year, and when I did learn, it just made so much sense. Asexual, a lack of sexual attraction towards anyone, sexual attraction is not the same as physical or emotional attraction, unfortunately society had decided that in order for a relationship to exist, you were suppose to have all three.

I want to relate to the memes, and the talk about how “great sex” is a key component to a good, healthy relationship, but I can’t. There’s nothing wrong with me, there’s nothing missing inside me. Everyone can think of someone that they wanted to have sex with, and even more people that they didn’t. Does sex make the relationship work? Fuck no it doesn’t, but everyone is allowed to have a varying degree in which sex plays a role in their relationship. For myself as an asexual it holds almost none. That’s what people need to realize, it’s a spectrum not a definition. Some never want to have sex, some have specific parameters in which they will. This is what it means to date me.

I have a libido, I do want to have sex on occassion because sometimes a girl just needs to satisfy her needs. I am heterosexual, I am physically attracted to men, I enjoy intimate touch and having a connection, I am emotionally available and attracted to people, and yes I do have sex.

Reasons I have sex: My partner wanting to have sex with me (no is always an option in my relationships, I do enjoy the physical feeling of sex but theres nothing driving me to do it) My libido, intimate contact, starting a family, to experience the sensation, to make my partner feel good, and on the rarest occasions, when I’m drunk. In fact I used to get high all the time before sex because it was much more enjoyable and I latched onto anything that could make it better.

Does that mean I never initiate sex? I do. I do alot of the time actually because I know who I am and that while I expect my partner to respect my sexual desire I respect theirs. I have dated men that wanted sex three times a day and men who can go a few days or even weeks without. I mentioned before that I was cheated on, and my cheater was getting sex at least once a day. There’s no excuse for what he did but before some of you jackass’ go on saying that he must have been starving for sex, it’s not true. He didn’t even know I was asexual because I didn’t even know, I did what I thought was normal to do, which was have sex. The point I’m making is that while I owe nothing to the men I date, I can’t expect them to be okay with never having sex because I know that they do in fact have a desire that I don’t. I do enjoy sex with someone I love, but it’s an emotional and physical connection, you’re probably not going to be able to make me come, but I will have a good time. And so will you.

Look at it this way, you never have to worry about me sleeping around, because… ew. And did I check out that guy? Maybe, but I have no desire to have sex with him. Did that creepy person just hit on me at the bar? Well theres zero chance I will have sex with them. Am I drunk and have beer goggles? Doesn’t matter.

My sexual drive does increase with alcohol or marijuana, but its still just the intimate contact I crave, not actually having sex. I’ll read an erotic novel and get aroused but when I think about actually performing the act I’m dried up. I love to fantasize, but every fantasy seems to be about the build up to having sex, the tenderness, the roughness, the kissing, touching. . . everything is great but I seem to always avoid that final act. No. I personally don’t even masturbate.

I work in healthcare, the human body has become pretty much just anatomy to me now, you see enough body parts to give you a very simplistic way of looking at the human body. Which has left me with the ability to talk about sex as if it were nothing. Realizing I’m asexual has uplifted me in so many ways. I feel almost powerful, like I have some kind of clear vision when it comes to looking for a partner now. I’m not awkward anymore because I don’thave to worry about if the guy I met at the bar only wants sex from me, cause he’s not going to get it. Sexual conversations are more educational, structured and conversational to me know, because I’m not trying to relate to anyone anymore. I feel more confident in my clothing because there is absolutely no message I am trying to send to anyone, there is no one I’m trying to seduce and I’m not worried about if that guy is attracted to me sexually.

Being asexual is something I didn’t want to be, and is still something that I am exploring. Growing into my sexuality has been a battle and a journey but I am so glad that I have finally found out why I feel the way I do. I’m proud.

A Very Honest Experience Getting Veneers. (And missing teeth)

To begin, I strongly suggest googling the proper names for different teeth because if you don’t know their names you might get a little lost.

Secondly, a quick history about my teeth so there is no confusion on what I am having done, and why I went through the situations that I did.

When I was a baby, I had a very bad bacterial infection which I was hospitalized for. I am fine, but they had to pump me with a multitude of antibiotics in order to fight the infection. One of these medications was a type called tetracycline’s. For those of you that do not know, or have never read the side effects on a antibiotic prescription bottle, some can cause discolouration of teeth.

Tetracycline’s are not meant to be given to children under the age of nine because it can cause “blackening of teeth.”

My teeth were not black, thankfully, but they did come in very discoloured, they were not a harsh yellow colour but they were stained and uneven. That is just one issue I had.

When I was around 7 and my baby teeth were falling out and my adult teeth were growing in we noticed that two teeth in particular were not showing up but didn’t think anything of it because I was young. It wasn’t until I had to have an X-ray done that my dentist told myself and my mom that my incisors didn’t exist. I had them as baby teeth but the ‘buds’ for the adult teeth did not form. Therefore when my adult teeth came in, I would be missing two teeth.

My mother panic’d, and the dentist explained that it was actually very common and it was hereditary. To this day we are still unsure if it is in fact hereditary because no one in my family, that we are aware of has this same issue.

Skip to when I am 12. I am still young enough that my smile is not very concerning to people because it just looks like a young kids smile, where things aren’t perfect and they can look a little weird. My teeth were straight, but my top teeth were very spaced. I had a gap in my from teeth and gaps throughout all the others. My canines had shifted and took up the space that my incisors should have been and in turn my bicuspids moves as well. All in all, I had spaces between all my top teeth and I kind of looked like a version of the vampires in LOST BOYS. 

12 years old rolls around and I need braces, I also need a cosmetic dentist to figure out how I am going to get teeth to look more normal.  We originally wanted a female cosmetic dentist because we felt that there would probably be a better connection with me because they would understand the need and want for it to look cosmetically pleasing other than just ‘done correctly.’

We could not find a female dentist that had lots of experience with my type of situation so we went with an orthodontist that I liked a lot and also had the cosmetic dentist in the same building.

We discussed bridges, and crowns, and implants, and dentures, things I didn’t quite understand as a child, but we came to the conclusion to put in two implants so I could keep as much of my regular teeth as possible.

12/13 years old I had braces. I only had top braces because my bite was almost perfect and my bottom teeth were straight. As the gaps were closed I had a temporary tooth called a “flipper” placed on a bracket that just kind of hung there but gave the illusion that I was not missing teeth. I was not allowed to bite into anything out of concern that the teeth might break off, but eventually I discovered that I could bite into some things without the teeth coming off.

Fast forward to sixteen and my braces came off, for a few days I had a removable retainer with teeth on them so I could pop them on and off whenever I needed to sleep and the wouldn’t irritate my gums until I got a temporary retainer on the back of my teeth with the teeth attached.

In the summer, I had my implants placed, a gum and bone graft, and I spent a good amount of time healing. I was swollen, I was bruised, I had two black eyes, and I was on a soft food diet. Once I was healed enough my teeth were placed back on the wire and I went about my life, but I was not fully healed from the bruising for about a month.

When discussing having my implants made, I got an infection on my left implant that left me unable to have them made for another month.

Temporary implants were glued onto the abutment but I had issues with my gums. The implant is silver and you could see it shining through my gums making them look dark and purplish rather than pink.

Another gum graft was done to fix that problem, and it did work slightly but not to the extent that I had wanted.

When I finally had my implants made and screwed in permanently, I was very upset about the fact that they were not as high as my other teeth, meaning the tops sat lower on the gum line than my other making them look shorter. Because of this it also highlighted how dark my gum was compared to my other teeth.

At seventeen years old I told the Dr. that I wanted them higher and I was told “Well we can’t all have what we want.” And that the reason they couldn’t be made to sit higher was because my implant was in the way.

I spent the next six years not completely loving my smile, but happy that I had teeth. Children asked me why my gums were black where my implants were, I saw other people wit the same issue as me have their teeth look great and I cried about it a lot.

Around the age of 20 I also noticed that my implant crowns did not match the colour of my other teeth, they were darker and more grey than my other teeth which made me very self conscious.

At age 23, working full time and starting my career I decided to do something about the discolouration on my teeth and my implants.

I had moved to Nova Scotia and sought out a Dr. that was very well known and very good at what he did and voiced my concerns, he told me that he could fix them and that if I wasn’t happy with results he could not charge me more to fix the issues I still had, which was true. I paid the agreed upon amount for my veneers and implants and not a penny more when I had issues.

My Dr. was an amazing man.

I decided that because I wanted the discolouration of my teeth to go away, and that I wouldn’t be 100% satisfied with just having my implants fixed because I didn’t like the colour of my top teeth, I decided to get veneers.

Six veneers, and two implants, eight teeth in total. My two front teeth, my canines and my bicuspids would have veneers because those are the teeth you see when I smile.

Lets start with the process.

The first thing that happens is you have TONS of pictured taken of your teeth, you tell them what you like and don’t like about your teeth and come up with a plan to get the smile that you want. I personally did not want to change the shape of my teeth because I wanted them to look as natural as possible and did not have problems with the shape. However he did address some things in my smile that he felt would enhance my teeth if I had them changed. I had a slight indent on the side of one of my teeth he wanted to fix, and he said I should round out the edge because they were very square looking.

I said that was fine so long as they looked like my own teeth.

Then prep began, if you are thinking about getting veneers you would know that they have to shave down some of your enamel in order for the veneer to fit and look more natural. I was offered to be put asleep but I needed to drive home so I was numbed instead.

They started by removing my crowns, my implants would stay in place and only my crown and abutment would be changed. They could not get my right incisor off so I had to come in for another appointment to have it basically destroyed. I was given a temporary for left incisor that was very dark and grey because of the abutment underneath but it was only for one day.

I came in the next day and had the right crown removed, then they numbed me up and started shaving down my teeth. Your teeth will look very yellow when they shave them down.

Once that was completed impressions were taken and my teeth were fitted for a temporary veneer.

Temporary veneers DO NOT look anything like the final product. In my case it was a thin piece of plastic. Not resin, it was plastic, and it was all one piece. So it is almost like having in a very thin mouth guard at all times and I HATED it.

I was allowed to eat right away but I was warned not to bite into anything tough. I opted to not bite into anything for the two weeks I had the temporary in out of fear of breaking it. Within eight hours, while eating pasta, it broke.

My bicuspid, my canine and half of my incisor broke off, and while I was able to just place it back in place, if I ate it would pop off. I had to have another dentist glue it back on a few days later because I had gone home to Ontario to visit my boyfriend.

The temporary broke in the same place again the next day while eating timbit and I had it reglued again. After that it did not break until I went in to have my veneers placed.

While having the temporary on, my teeth looked very boxy, almost like dentures and I was not happy with them. My teeth were very sensitive to hot and cold and where my implant abutment was my teeth looked darker than the rest.

The worst part of it was, because of the numbing, I was very swollen for about a week.

Because of the swelling I couldn’t smile normally and I did not look good. I took ibuprofen and iced my face for a week until the swelling went away completely.

The good thing about it was that I was not in pain. There was minimal to no pain which I believe is common for most people. The temporary was shaped for my teeth, but there were pieces that would overlap onto my gums and some placed were uneven, basically it didn’t need to be perfect because it wasn’t the final product.

Keep in mind, the temporary is glued onto the front of my teeth and was shaved down at the back so my bite wasn’t compromised. If you have ever worn a mouthguard you would know that you ‘suck’ on it to remove the saliva and have it press tighter against your teeth. Even though the piece was glued to my teeth is still felt as though something foreign against my teeth so I had a habit of ‘sucking’ on it in an attempt to press it against my teeth even thought they already were. Because of this habit I had I could taste the glue, and it doesn’t taste good. Also make sure that you use mouth wash, you can brush the back of your teeth but the front are covered, but liquid will still get between the teeth, under the temp and linger on the plastic. I will not smell the best.

When I went to have my veneers placed I was ecstatic to have my temporary removed. But I was also nervous that I wasn’t going to like the final result.  It was taken off and I was so happy but the cold air hitting my teeth hurt like hell.

They showed me my veneers and my crowns and placed them on my teeth before cementing them so I could make sure I was happy with them. After looking at them in the office I asked to go outside and see them in natural light, and I was very very happy with the results.

However I was not entirely happy with my crowns, they were a slightly different colour than my veneers because rather than being a thin piece of porcelain, its a solid chuck of it. Therefore it will be more pigmented than the veneers. I also was not entirely happy with the shape.

Once I expressed I was happy with the veneers, I went back in the have them cemented. They wanted to numb me again but I requested that they didn’t so I wouldn’t swell and I could see the teeth with my natural smile.

They had to place a somewhat rubber cloth behind my teeth and held it in place with a metal covering that went on my molars. It hurt and tugged on my molars but after a few minutes I got used to it.

My teeth had to be extremely dry to the rubber thing in my mouth went and surrounded my teeth and kept my lips from falling down and wetting them with saliva.

This hurt very badly. The cold air, and lack of lubrication caused my teeth to feel like they were just sitting in ice cream and I couldn’t move them. They were so sensitive.

I understood then why they wanted to numb me a bit but I kept my complaint to myself because I didn’t want them to take it as a reason to numb me up.

Then I had them cemented on. This did not hurt, what did hurt was the scrapping of my gums. When they are placed they have to remove access cement that gets on your other teeth and gums. They scrape with a metal tool to get it off and it caused my gums to bleed a lot. Once they were placed they had to make sure that I could floss between them, and they did have to use a small piece of sandpaper in order to get in between the teeth and make sure a gap was big enough to fit a piece of floss between them without creating a noticeable gap. This hurt as well.

Once everything was deemed okay I had my bite tested and cement removed from the backs of my teeth to make sure I didn’t touch my bottom teeth to my top.

WARNING : If you choose not get veneers on all your teeth. Glue and cement can get on your natural teeth, so don’t panic if they start sanding down your other teeth with a drill or something. They’re trying to get the cement off.

Once they were done I was shown them again and I was happy, but I was also bleeding so I didn’t get the full effect until the next day when  everything had calmed down.

SOMETHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!! When you chose the colour of the veneer, discuss with your Dr. the fact that your veneers will slightly change colour once they are cemented on. They will pick up some of the colour of the teeth underneath so just keep that in mind and discuss with your Dr. about it.

Since I wasn’t completely happy with my crowns, they brought in the cosmetic tech to look at my veneers and speak to me about the issues and took more impressions.

The next couple days my gums were irritated and hurt from the abuse they had endured but it went down after a few days. I spent the next couple days staring at my teeth in different lighting to make sure I was 100% happy and I was.

My teeth are still slightly more sensitive than they were with my original teeth but it is only to very cold drinks if I swish them between my teeth.

I had an appointment scheduled to go back and have my crowns put on and I was finally happy with the final result.

All in all my experience was pleasant but I did deal with things I was not expecting. I encountered things that I could not find on the internet and went through many moments of doubt. But I am pleased to say I am finally happy with my smile.

If you are looking to have veneers done it is not something to take lightly because you do have to compromise your regular tooth structure but I’ve always believed that if you are not happy with something, you either learn to love it or you change it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Scam ONSTAR.

Do you have on star? Have no Idea what I’m talking about, ONSTAR is that service in your car where you push the button and a live agent comes on and gives you directions.

It’s mainly a states thing, but some Canadians have it, and most of their buildings are in the states but one is in Canada and their Billing department is located in the Philippines, and Canada.

Onstar is also an emergency service, so you can push the button and connect with someone who can contact the police, or if you are in an accident and airbags deploy they come online right away with emergency services activated and stay on the line with you until they arrive.

No I didn’t read about all this on a website, I used to work for ONSTAR. I worked for ONSTAR for a total of about 3 months in both subscriber and Customer loyalty.

Working in Customer Loyalty I was the person that people called to cancel their service and most of the time people had a very good reason to cancel. i.e they had been being billed for 3 months and they didn’t know that, or they don’t use the service.

However if you do use the service, and you love the service, here’s how to get a lower price.

Step One. Tell them you want to quite/cancel the service, they will transfer you to customer loyalty right away. When you talk about wanting to cancel the service BE NICE. If someone was a jerk to me I never offered them deals, explain that you like the service and you want to keep it but you can’t afford it.

Step Two. They will offer you packages, ask about them and make sure you are getting what you want. There are usually three different packages for your needs. Don’t just jump on the cheapest one because it might not have everything you need.

Step Three. Tell them that this all sounds amazing and you’d like to do it. BUT TELL THEM YOUR CONCERN ABOUT THE PREVIOUS MONTH. Tell them that you meant to cancel last month but you were so busy and you forgot to, that money  was supposed to be for something else blah blah blah. Onstar workers can give a month of either free service, or a month refund, if they have a heart or really want to save you from quitting they’ll offer you this.

Step Four. Whether or not they offer this to you take the deal, and ask them how long it will last. ONSTAR doesn’t send notifications when the offer ends. So if it ends in three months you’ll go back to the original price you had. The reason is that they can’t cancel the service without your verbal consent, because if you got into an accident and the service was cancelled without your knowing and it didn’t work, then we get sued.

Step Five, mark on your calendar when the service ends and make sure to call before you are billed at the end of the three months.

Step six, when you call in again repeat the steps.

Onstar always have some kind of promotion going on and you can very easily manipulate this. Customer loyalty representatives receive commission for every save they make, and they want as many as they can get so usually they will offer you anything  they can.

So long as you remember to call in at the end of each promotion you’ll be getting cheaper services.

PS. Usually this is the case with almost every service, i.e Bell, rogers, other phone companies, pretty much any service you are signed up with. I know it can be frustrating to talk to people who HAVE to follow a script, but so long as you are nice you can usually get what you want.

Goodluck.

Can People Change?

This has to be one of the more controversial topics to explore because it varies from person to person and from action to action.

I fully understand why people think that others cannot truly change, however, it is concerning to me that there is very little to no faith in a person that has done another person wrong.

We change throughout our lives, our interests change, our style change, our sense of humour changes, and our looks change so why is it so hard to think that people can change their personailities?

Now I am not saying that EVERYONE can change, become a better person, some will always be stuck in their ways, but I do believe it’s possible.

I remember speaking to my mom about a girl that I knew when I was younger, and I reminded her of the nasty things she used to do, and the terrible attitude she had. And my mom responded with “That was three years ago. A lot can change in three years, and I don’t think it’s fair of you to completely dismiss someone when you missed three years of their life.”

She was right, I had an opinion on someone that was at a different time in her life and I refused to shake that impression I had of her. Needless to say, when I met her again she was quite lovely, her first impression wasn’t a good one but the second had me rethinking my views on her.

So in short, I do think that people can change.

Do I believe the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater”? No. I don’t. But I don’t think it inappropriate for someone to be weary of someone who cheater, nor do I think it inappropriate to not want to give your trust to someone who lost it to begin with.

You can’t walk through life giving second chance after second chance, everyone has a breaking point and you shouldn’t make your life unbearable for the need to keep them in your life, but I fully believe that if someone has wronged you in the past it doesn’t make them the same person for the rest of their life.

Viewing people as developing characters has made me much happier in life, instead of being filled with hate for the girl in school who told me I was ugly, I feel joy in thinking that she has possible become a better person, and may one day apologize for being so cruel. If I were to see her in a year from now, I would gladly meet with her and talk, if she’s a better person, wonderful, one less person to add negativity to my life, if she’s still a horrible person, then hey, thats her problem and I don’t feel bad for disliking her.

I would want the same opportunity for anyone who felt negatively about me.

I have changed throughout my life, I have done things that I am not proud of, and would never think about doing again, and I have feelings about things that haven’t changed, but that doesn’t mean that they never will.

There is an understanding I have for people who believe that “people never truly change” I completely understand why, because they probably have someone in their life that is still the horrible person they once were.

Our experiences in our lives shape us to be who we are, and in my opinion it is unfair to decide that personal growth ends at a specified time. Just because one girl slept around at age sixteen doesn’t mean that she hasn’t repented and is still sleeping around at the age of thirty.

Just because a boy cheated on you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’ll do it again, and there is the possibility that he feels awful about it and never want to make another girl feel that way again.

And just because you talked badly about a girl in chemistry class that you found annoying at the age of 12 doesn’t mean that you are so quick to judge now at the age of 21.

We are all human and to me that means that we are growing, and are all capable of the same things.

So I change the question, “Can people change?” To the question “Are people willing to change?” Because to me they can, but it starts with their want and desire to be a better person, to be someone that they admire.

 

What it’s Like to Have Suicidal Ideation.

By definition: Suicidal thoughts, also known as suicidal ideation, are thoughts about how to kill oneself, which can range from a detailed plan to a fleeting consideration and does not include the final act of killing oneself. The majority of people who experience suicidal ideation do not carry it through

From what I understand, the symptoms and signs of suicidal ideation will vary and range from person to person. I have never met another person with the same situation as myself so I am going strictly on what I have been told.

My own personal encounter starts when I was young. It started with the thought, I wonder what would happen if I died. . . Meaning I wondered if there would be a funeral, who would miss me, the events that would happen. A common thought I am sure everyone has ever wondered about, but now that I am older, I have come to realize that if a nine year old came to me today and told me they had these thoughts, I would be concerned.

Moving onto high school, it turned into the thoughts of wanting to die, and wishing I was dead and joking about death and dying. In the cafeteria you never suspect that when your friend says “Ugh I wish I was dead.” when she embarrasses herself would be threatening, but to me it was the truth.

It then transitioned into a behaviour I was exhibiting, I was emotional, (But what high school kid isn’t right?) I found myself crying myself to sleep many nights without a full explanation, the simplest inconvenience in my life would send me to tears at night, even if I had settled it at the time of occurrence. I was upset, and in need of an explanation as to why I was so upset, I was incredibly horrible to do what I did, but I fantasized about my life, the only time I was truly happy was when I was writing stories, I lived in those stories and it made my life seem different, it made it make more sense. I then transitioned into the horrid aspect and I began telling lies to people about my life as well. I lost friends because of it, I was in need of constant distraction, silence made me uncomfortable so I was constantly talking and giving myself a very narcissistic image. I was a frightened, and unhappy person, and I tried my best to fix that, no matter how awful the tactics.

My final year of high school and moving into college is when the behaviour became concerning. I would write suicide notes. I would think in specific detail the best way to go about killing myself. The thoughts were constant and death would become my only solution to my problems. I would think, It’s okay if I fail, I’ll just kill myself. It was a completely emotionless feeling, and to me that is the most terrifying moment in my life.

The things I do now are concerning, I write notes to loved ones, think about how I would go about it in a way not to hurt anyone else, I count the amount of pills it would take to kill me, and a plan is made, but I never go through with it.

The best way to describe what keeps me from doing it is this. I have things that make me stay alive, but I have nothing that keeps me from wanting to die. 

Meaning I don’t want to leave this world because I love my family, my friends, and my boyfriend, I love sports and animals and my program, but no matter how many blessings I can count, I always revert back to thinking about suicide.

I have been terribly morbid on my explanation, and it is a more depressing topic but please know that I am okay. There are measures I take in order to keep my emotional state level, when I have an episode I remind myself that although I fear that I may commit suicide, I never will. It’s a process, and a constant breakdown of my personality and an evaluation on why I am feeling the way I am, but it works and I can end my episode usually in less than an hour.

I decided to write this post because it’s  not something that is spoken about in a regular class. The constant area of focus is the action of suicide itself, and if you have suicidal thoughts then you are at risk, which is true, but what I fully believe saved me from getting to that point was learning what Suicidal Ideation is and finally having a name for the way I am feeling. I have a reason for how I feel, and to know that gives me the opportunity to speak with people and get help from others as well as being able to help myself.

It doesn’t go away, but it can be treated, and a lot of the treatment starts with yourself, and learning to love yourself for who you are, and being able to distinguish between an episode and how you really feel about the person you are.

To anyone out there who has read this and thinks that they may be suffering from Suicidal Ideation, it is important that you have someone in your life who knows about it. Speak to anyone, a doctor, a teacher, a help line, anyone. It brings it to life and to verbalize your thoughts and feelings makes it real, and your brain and body will finally understand what is going on.

Seek help if you can, if you can’t at the moment then just know that you are not alone and when episodes happen, they will end. When they end reflect on how you felt then and how you feel at the moment, that will distinguish what you have to do next.

Thank you for reading, I hope his has opening eyes for everyone who has been reading.

Life is precious.

I want to live it.

 

 

How to Actually Pass Your Driving Test

 

1. Drive like you’re terrified.

Now don’t be stopping the car when a candy wrapper goes by and be going 30 under the speed limit shaking like a leaf. NO! Get your confidence up know how to drive a car! Be that asshole that can drive a car and do his laundry at the same time, BE THAT GOOD. But you cannot drive with confidence on the road test, they will fail you, because Confident drivers take their turns a little wide and know the road, and don’t look at their mirrors every five seconds, and turn left when there is a car a good enough distance away and just glide through the railroad crossing. You can’t do that, you need to drive like you are terrified to hit someone, terrified of hitting another car, terrified of being pulled over, terrified of everything. You have to check your mirrors seven times before leaving, check your blind spots 3 times before backing up, you need to count out the number of seconds you are stopped and look both ways over and over again before proceeding through an intersection with no one around. Keep in mind, the instructor does not know you are a good driver, and has probably been in the car with 6 kids that day who accidentally turned left on a red light. Don’t give them any reason to think that you’re not cautious. If you drive confidently they will find something that you did to be unsafe even if it wasn’t.

2. Don’t Talk

Driving instructors can write comments on your marking sheet, and if you talk during your exam, they will write that you are “Verbal, and distracted.” I’m not talking about having a conversation in the car, I’m talking about verbalizing what you’re seeing. Don’t say “Oh there’s a guy there, I’m gonna wait.” or “he got here first.” Just don’t say anything other than to ask for clarification or confirmation that you heard what they said. Believe me they can fail you for being distracted and talking is a good way to lower your score.

3. Don’t be a Tourist

I get it, the DMV is a confusing and frustrating place if you have never been there,  or you don’t know the process of something. Learn as much as you can before you go, you walk in, most places have you check in at a kiosk to take a number and then you sit and wait for your number to be called. Don’t bitch about how long it takes, (It always takes long) don’t ask about what the letters and numbers mean, and do not have mommy or daddy come up to the counter with you. They literally ask you to bring your paper and your driving license, thats it. Also when you perform your road test and the person tells you “Okay you can go wait in your car.” Do not wait around for your license to be given back to you. I’ve seen it too many times where people stand in the waiting room to be called again. The instructor takes everything of yours and meets you at your car, go sit down and relax, if they arrive and you’re not there it pisses them off. I say this because when you go in and you don’t know how to go through with the process and you’re nervous and anxious it’s gonna reflect on how you do on the test and how the instructor first views you as a person.

4. Don’t Dress Like an Asshole. 

No discrimination against anyone, or what they wear but don’t show up in your low cut halter top with the bare midriff, or your Daddy tattoo visible. You are trying to convince them that you are responsible and mature enough to be handling a car on the roads. You don’t want them thinking you’re gonna use your car to pimp out girls or go on your daily drug run.

5. Play it Cool.

When something goes wrong in your test, don’t even react to it, if you hit the curb, or mess up your backing skills just stay calm. Don’t acknowledge, don’t apologize, don’t make a face, and don’t think that you failed right then and there. Just continue on driving/with the examination. Theres a very low chance that they didn’t see it, but don’t draw attention to it. Driving exams are a passing grade, if you do something ridiculously dangerous then yeah, they’re gonna fail you, but if you nail everything else theres a good chance you’ll still pass. But if you freak out its just going to make them scrutinize everything you do 100x more, cause now not only are you incapable of performing the skill, you’re flustered and may do something else dangerous because you’re upset.

6. The Examiner talking is a good thing. 

When I did my road test, I met my examiner and they were very nice and talked to me a little bit before the test. During the test she didn’t say a damn thing because she was marking me. I knew the exam was done when we were driving back and she started up a conversation about where her son went to school and the mutual sports he and I played. I know this contradicts the “no talking” rule but the test was over. I thought that she had failed me and had just decided that she wasn’t going to mark me anymore, so she started talking. No it was because I had finished my exam and she thought I was a good driver and just didn’t want to sit in silence for the five minute drive back to the test centre.

7. Don’t Wear work boots

I’m pretty sure it’s a rule not to wear work boots when you’re driving anyways because it messes with how you feel the break when you’re driving. Anyways, don’t wear them for that reason, I wear steel toes to work and the sole is a good two inches thick and if I rush out to get lunch it takes a minute to get used to the break again because I can’t feel my foot pushing against it like when I wear regular sneakers. There is a good chance that they will ask you to take them off.

8. Get to 100KPH/60MPH Before entering the Highway

The Maximum speed limit on the highway is the speed you should actually be driving when you merge because there are other vehicles going that fast approaching you. The highway is dangerous and you want to avoid as little accidents as possible, you cannot merge onto the highway ten below, they examiner wants you to get up to 100/60 before you merge.

 

11 Things The Overly Skinny Are Tired Of Hearing

I am one of those apparently terrible human beings that no matter what I do I cannot gain weight. Please do not comment on how I should be body positive and be extremely happy with the body I have and to shut up about wanting to gain weight. I think I am one sexy mother fucker, but I have also been bullied and ridiculed for my weight and body image.

1. Ew.

Oh the joy of having someone grab onto my protruding hip bone and uttering the words “Ew!” Do I grab onto other peoples stomachs who happen to weigh more than me and yell EW? No, because one I am not an asshole, and two because I think everyone is beautiful in the body they have and I do not have disturbed thoughts about their bodies. But thank you to the number of people that have pointed out just how gross my ribs, my hips, my spine, and my collar bone are to you. And don’t come back to us when we get upset and say “No I’m just jealous cause you’re so skinny, I was just joking around.” No you were body shaming and now I have to go home and explain to my mom why I don’t want to wear my bathing suit in the summer anymore.

2. Are you Okay?

Recently, I was working at a festival as security and although it was hilarious to have a stick figure trying to tell 300 pound drunk men that I am going to make them leave the festival, it was also a quite awkward day when my boss asked if I was okay. Now when she came up to me and asked if I was okay I thought it was because I was standing in the pouring rain for an hour, but when I replied with “Yes I’m fine.” She proceeded to say “Oh okay just making sure because you know, you’re so tiny.” She was not referring to be being cold, or tired she was referring to the fact that working a 12 hour shift must be hard because of how skinny I look. I can confidently say that she was concerned with my health because she did not ask the other females/men standing next to me. We are fine, believe it or not, we can do everything you can do.

3. How are you so Skinny?

Simply put, I don’t know.

4. Do you eat?

That’s like asking me if I have an eating disorder and it’s extremely offensive. Yeah I eat, I eat just like every other human on this planet has to or else I’ll die.

5. You like take two bites and then you’re full.

I have never once taken two bites of something and become full. I guess people just assume that that is all the amount of food we need to survive in this world. I can eat an entire pizza in front of someone and then say I’m full and I will still hear “Well you had your two bites of food so you must me.” Sarcastic or not it still pisses us off. A good majority of us don’t eat a lot at meals, because we have been eating every twenty minutes, literally been having 3 lunches a day rather than 1 large lunch. Unless you spend an entire day with us, you are not permitted to comment on our intake of food.

6. How much do you weigh?

This is a trap. Even though its a question, you actually don’t want to know the answer, and should I answer honestly, I’m gonna piss you off. I recently had someone ask me what size I was and a girl yelled out the most honest thing I have ever heard “Don’t you dare answer that.” She was referring to the fact that my telling her my size would make her ‘upset’ but the truth is that I cannot honestly answer that question without creating at least on enemy. It’s even worse with men, I have a friend who is very naturally skinny and he hates admitting his weight because he is then ridiculed. Muscle weighs more than fat, and when he tells someone that he’s 120 pounds, they know that he ain’t skinny because he’s been working out. The meat heads at the gym all know that being 200+ pounds is muscle mass.

7. I’m so jealous.

Well guess what, I’m jealous of you. I understand that everyone wants what they don’t have and that you are just being polite and complimenting me. Thank you. Though I am jealous of your curves and none protruding hip bones so much that I am attempting everything possible to gain weight, but I can’t say anything about how jealous I am of you back because I’ll look like an ass who is just trying to make other people feel better. So I stand there and awkwardly accept your compliment, and contemplate how we can change the subject.

8. OMG! You’re so Skinny.

What? I am? Why the hell didn’t anybody tell me that? I was wondering why my teacher pulled me outside of class to discuss eating disorders with me when they thought I wasn’t eating lunch when in fact I just ate it before they came to patrol my room. It also explains why my friends play the game “Whose skinnier, you, or the mannequin?” I never would have known had it not been for your observation.

9. You’re probably one of those girls that can eat anything and never gains weight. Aren’t you?

You need to go back and read that again in the most snobbish and judgemental voice you can possibly think of. This typically happens when meeting new people, usually a friend of a friend who we won’t be seeing again, and it’s like I have been shot down right away. There is no hope of us becoming friends in the future, because even if you meant it to sound nice, it came off as you hating me. But the answer is yes I am.

10. Guys love curves. 

Thanks. I don’t have any, I know, but you know it’s cool, you can be body positive to your OWN body while shaming me. I get it people can be mean to you and call you fat, but you can come back and say “I have curves, I love my body #bodypositive #healthy” I can’t say “Men like skinny girls, they like bone #Healthy #skinnydoesitbetter” cause I’m gonna get punched, and I don’t think like that. Thank you for making me feel completely hideous to the male race because my breast size is an A cup.

11. Oh My God I’m So Fat. 

If we even attempt to deny this claim of yours one of three things happen. We are told to shut up, we are given a dirty look, or we are told “I weigh more than you, you’re like one pound.” I don’t understand how my being less weight than you completely erases me from not thinking you’re fat. What? Just because I’m skinny that automatically makes me think everyone else is fat? And I can’t come to defend you and deny the false accusations you are making about yourself? Stop calling yourself fat just because I am skinny, don’t compare yourself to me. I refuse to be the comparison you use to make yourself feel terrible. You are beautiful.

All women and men of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, it’s okay to love the body that you are in and it’s okay to wish you looked like someone else. We all want what we don’t have but it’s wrong to assume that one body type is better than another. Too many people tease me about being too skinny because they claim that they’re jealous, and they say that we shouldn’t take it seriously because we’re skinny and everyone wants to be. Well guess what your words can hurt just as badly as mine could hurt you. I get that you’re trying to be funny or complimentary but we’re sick of hearing “You’re so skinny.” just as much as you would hate hearing “You’re so fat.”